Tuesday, July 7, 2009

One more poem

ഒരു കാശിയാത്ര
മണ്ണാന്‍കട്ട പിന്നെയും ചോദിക്കുന്നു-
'കാശി വരെ പോകാമെന്നേ...'
മുന്‍പിന്‍ നോക്കാതിറങ്ങി പുറപ്പെട്ടൂ, കരിയില!
തമ്മില്‍ നോട്ടമായ്‌ ചിരിയായ് ട്ടായ് മുട്ടായ്...
പിന്നെയൊരു നാള്‍ മഴ പെയ്തപ്പോള്‍...
മണ്ണാന്‍കട്ടയ്ക്കു പൊതിഞ്ഞു കിടന്നൂ കരിയില!
പിന്നെയും യാത്ര നീണ്ടു...
ഒടുവില്‍ മണ്ണാന്‍കട്ട ബൈ-ബൈ പറഞ്ഞു.
കൊടുന്‍കാറ്റിലുയര്‍ന്നു പറന്നു വഴിതെറ്റിയലയുന്നൂ കരിയില!
പാവം! അവള്‍ അപ്പോ ഓര്‍ത്തു:
'ഇല മുള്ളിന്മേല്‍ വീണാലും, മുള്ള് ഇലമേല്‍ വീണാലും
കേട്‌ ഇലയ്ക്ക് തന്നെ!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Another poem

വേശ്യ
അവളുടെ മിഴിനീരില്‍ ഉപ്പില്ല
കരളില്‍ നോവുണ്ട് പ്രാണനില്ല
അവളുടെ ഭാഷയില്‍ തേനില്ല-
മധുരമില്ല നോക്കിലും നഖക്ഷതങ്ങളിലും
പിന്നെയോ, വിഷമുണ്ട്‌ ചൊടിയില്‍-
ചോരയില്‍ പടരുന്ന ഗദ്ഗദവും
രാത്രിയില്‍ വിരിയും മലര്‍പോലെ-
നിറമില്ല- മണമുണ്ട്, മാദകസ്മിതമുണ്ട്
എരിയുന്ന വയറില്‍, തടയുന്ന തേങ്ങലില്‍
എവിടെയോ പിഴച്ച വഴിയുന്ടതില്‍
ഇടറി കാല്‍വെയ്പ്പും ഉലഞ്ഞ മനസ്സും.
ഇനിയും ഉടയാത്ത മാംസവും തേടി-
എന്നാലും വഴിനീളേ കണ്‍കളുണ്ട്‌.

A poem

ദാമ്പത്യം
ഒരു നാള്‍ അവന്‍ എന്നോട്‌ പറഞ്ഞു:
'ഭവതിയെന്നെ ഒളിപ്പിക്കണം'
അന്നെന്‍ നീണ്ട മുടിയിലവന്‍ കറുപ്പായലിഞ്ഞു-
എന്നാല്‍ അവയെന്നോട്‌ പിണങ്ങി- മുടി വെളുത്തു.
പിന്നീടൊരിക്കല്‍ അവന്‍ ചെഞ്ചോര കടം ചോദിച്ചു-
ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ ചൊടികള്‍ പിഴിഞ്ഞുക്കൊടുത്തു-
അവ പിന്നൊരിക്കലും ചുവന്നില്ല.
അതുക്കഴിഞ്ഞെന്നോ, അവന്‍ എന്റെ നഖങ്ങള്‍
പിഴുത്എടുത്തു- അടുപ്പില്‍ തീ കൂട്ടുവാന്‍.
അതോടെ എന്റെ നഖക്ഷതങ്ങളും മാഞ്ഞു.
പിന്നെ അവനെന്റെ കാലുകള്‍ മുറിച്ചെടുത്തു-
ഊന്നുവടിയാക്കുവാന്‍ - അന്ന് ഞാന്‍ കിടപ്പായ്
ഒടുക്കം എന്നെപ്പിരിയാം നേരം,
അവനെന്റെ കൃഷ്ണമണികള്‍ ചൂഴ്ന്നെടുത്തു-
അതോടെ എന്റെ ലോകം ഇരുട്ടിലാണ്ട്പോയ്.
അങ്ങനെ അവനെന്റെ മേല്‍ അധികാരമുറപ്പിച്ചു.

Looking back(2).......

During my 1st two years at BVB, my best friend used to be Dhanya. It happened naturally, since her name followed mine on the attendance list and we were allotted the same bench; there were 40 students in the class and 20 benches, five in each of the 4 rows. Only two students sat in one bench, which itself was a great improvement from my old school, where six or seven students used to sit in one bench and the one who sat at the end, usually me, would never have enough place to keep herself, let alone her bag. Being the youngest students in the school our class was the one closest to the toilet, a precaution to avoid any unwanted complexities. Besides, we were taken to toilet 5 minutes before the bell for break rung and during lunch interval too we were put into line and taken to wash our hands before the bell, we quite enjoyed this luxury.


I don't think I talked to anyone for 2 days. On the third day I called Dhanya by her name, she was surprised that I knew her name; I explained that I learned it from the attendance rolls. That was the beginning of a brief but intense relationship; for me she was my first ever friend in a new school and I believe I chose her because she too had curly hair and reminded me of Krishnapriya. I didn't get any help or support from my chechi, because I irritated her. We were supposed to speak only English in the school and I used to run behind her calling 'sister,sister' instead of 'chechi' in front of her friends, so I can't blame her for getting mad at me.

Most of my childhood memories have faded off and are hazy due to years of neglect. I remember that Dhanya used to bring red 'parippukkari' which amazed me a lot because in my house 'parippukkari' was yellow. I also remember that we girls used to play 'Ghost in the backyard' during PE periods and that Ann Maria, I believe, won a prize during that 'lemon-in-spoon walking' competition. I still recollect our lunch intervals, when boys and girls used to race, to see which team would finish eating first. Vimal from boys and Aswathy from girls were the slowest. I remember Ragi going on talking to Vimal till the bell rung, to distract him from eating. Those were the days of furious competition and boys' leader was almost always Anu and girls' leader Ragi. We others in the class used to think they'll end up marrying or something because the names 'Ragi' and 'Anu' were always coupled together and they were both tall and the others in the class really tiny. I must also say that I was jealous of'Ragi-Aswathy-Surya-Sruthi gang' and considered them 'kusumbis'. I wasn't alone in this treatment of them either. I remember Ragi had cute Barbie doll box and notebooks and her handwriting was really sweet. I remember that Soumya Jose came during our 2nd year, and when I came to know that her mothers name was Stella, I was really excited, because I was sometimes called by that name. Soumya was really pretty and fair. But I don't remember her after that at all. In fact I remember hardly anyone at all, except Swathy who told me a long-winded story about hot water falling on her and burning her when she went to bath and Mariya Raju who won a PCM certificate(B grade) along with me and stole a 'mayilppeeli' from me. I also think that it was during then that I let Jayakrishnan copy an answer from me during the exams- habitat of sparrow. We hadn't learnt that but we had studied that rose had garden habitat. I hazarded a guess and Jayakrishanan was sitting beside me and he hadn't got the answer either; so I took my hand off from 'Garden Habitat' and made it quite visible. I don't know if he copied it, in those days we didn't use to say 'Thanks' or anything for letting someone copy; it was a grave fault, we felt. But considering the amount of details I remember, this could have happened later, in 4th or 5th, I don't remember.

I shouldn't fail to mention Nithin here, because, if I ignored him, I cant be sincere to what I am doing, because he was an integral part of our class. Really cute and superb at drawing, Nithin was the heart-throb of all those 6 and 7 year old girls. He had that Nido Colour Box with sketch pens and crayons and stuff, all in one, which, atleast for me, was a wonder. I can say, quite confidently, that all the girls had a crush on him, though, even years later, only me, Greeshma and Ann have confessed it. I remember, asking him discretely, if he were Christian, to know if I could marry him, but realizing that he was a Hindu, I dropped it, disappointed. Nithin won third prize for a drawing competition, in which he drew our school, complete with the uniformed students. He left the school after 2nd standard. He went to gulf; so did Dhanya, after a few months in third standard. But, curiously enough, I didn't miss her, because by then I had found a friend who, I believe, would last me for a lifetime, Aparna.

Looking back.........

One of my very 1st memories is of my 1st day at school, rather going to school. I was not going to my sister's school, but I wasn't worried. I remained completely calm until I saw my school van; it stuck me only then that wherever I was going, I had to go alone, my mother wouldn't be coming.
That hit me very hard, to be sent somewhere, alone, how could my mother do this? It was grave injustice, I felt, and I decided to fight it using my only weapon, my tears. Well, I started screaming, but my heartless mother picked me up and put me in the van. I struggled as much as I could, I remember my chappal flying off from my foot. But nothing worked. The van started and I was taken away pinned to the floor by all the older students in it. But I didn't stop screaming, indeed I believe I would have cried all the way to school hadn't it been for that sweet chechi who offered me a chocolate. Well, I chose to eat the chocolate rather than make my throat hoarse by screaming. I must also mention that it was in that van I found my first friend,Krishnapriya. I haven't met her since my KG days and I don't remember her face, except her curly hair thet she used to tie into a 'coconut- tree like knot' right on top of her head.

Well the next day, I again tried screaming, for chocolate of course. But I didn't get any. Probably that chechi didn't have any. Anyway I stopped crying from then, indeed I started enjoying my school. I was really angry, when after two years I was shifted to my sister's school. I remember, I refused to stand straight at the tailors, to take measures for my new school uniform. So my uniform was switched for my chechi's fit and they were too big for me. Maybe that's why I looked much more smaller than I actually was.

So when Uma miss asked for new students to stand up in her first class, though I too stood up with Jayakrishnan and Nithin, she asked only them to the front. She ignored me. She talked to them both, asking which school they were from and stuff, but I never got any such consideration in her class. She taught Malayalam, I remember, we had a text with lots of pictures. And in the chapter of colours, one of the pictures was of a red lotus with 'chemappu' written underneath. I still remember that because my mother wondered why it was written 'chemappu' when we usually say'chuvappu' for 'red'. Anyway, I was really hurt that day, and I bore a grudge against Uma miss for years. But now thinking back, I think probably she hadn't noticed me, because whether I stood, or sat in the bench, it couldn't have made much difference those days, I was really very tiny. And in the middle of all those 40 students, it would have been very difficult to makeout my profile.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Coming in

Great begginning. Just started the day b4 yesterday & couldn't get into net 4 the next day. I mean, it's as if it is jinxed or sumthin.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A New Beginning

I'm a girl, still in my teens, but yearning to grow up, be a woman.
I'm passing through that stage of life described as uncontrollable, unfathomable, by the wisest and the oldest.
I belong to the adolescent age group and hence highly unstable, liable to explode, feels leftout sometimes, overfussed at others. I started this blog to do something daring and yet within the cultural limits of my society, family.
This is a public thing, so it's gonna be nothing like a personal diary.